Trust
by Kristen Elizabeth
Summary: Someone once said that we're never so vulnerable as when we trust someone." VeronicaLogan(?) Spoilers through 1x21 (A Trip to the Dentist)


Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.

Author's Notes: I wrote this a couple of days ago, but I'm posting it now, two hours after the finale, because I can't sleep. I just keep replaying the ep over in my mind. So, if you're doing the same, here's a little something to kick off the LONG summer hiatus. Enjoy!

* * *

Trust

by Kristen Elizabeth

* * *

_You know that nagging, uncomfortable feeling that everyone's watching you? We all get it from time to time, and it's pretty much always just in our heads. But for me…it's usually true._

_So when I walked into school that morning and a path cleared for me down the crowed hallway, I knew I wasn't going crazy. Every pair of eyes was glued to me, surveying my every movement, scrutinizing my face, my body, my clothes…really, I had no idea what they were all looking at, except that it was definitely me._

_I'm no stranger to this surreal experience. In the weeks after Lilly's death, I walked this path often. I like to think that it was these instances that contributed to the Kevlar skin I wear nowadays. But ever since Logan's faux birthday party that had revealed our relationship to the 09er world, and the revelations that had followed about who really killed Lilly, I had felt safe from these prying eyes. You might say I used Logan's influence as a shield; I think that I just got used to my new level on the social ladder. Several steps up from skank, still hanging out on the lower rungs with the rest of the pariahs, but newly respected and no longer walked upon._

_I guess I got so used to it that I forgot who I still was to these people. Logan's girlfriend or not, I was still Veronica Mars._

_I searched the crowd of sneering faces, desperately hoping to lock onto Wallace's friendly expression, but he was nowhere to be found. My next thought was Logan. Where was he? But he was missing, too. Even Weevil's mug would have been welcome right then._

_Opening my locker with shaky hands, I could still feel them all watching me. I wanted to whirl around and confront the entire school. Snap something snarky to show them that they could stare me down all the wanted, but they couldn't intimidate me. But that wasn't the truth. They still could._

_And I hated it._

_My best bet was to get to the safety of a classroom as soon as possible. So after gathering my books, I did just that. But I did it with my chin lifted and my back straight. They were never, ever going to see me playing the coward. I headed for homeroom, ignoring them all, figuring that as soon as I was inside the room, my knees could give out. No one would be there to witness it._

_But the classroom wasn't empty. Logan stood at the front, leaning against the chalkboard, his hands folded across his chest, and a smirk firmly planted on his lips._

_"Logan?" Determined to keep up with my brave face, I dropped my bag on my usual desk. "Last time I checked, you weren't in this class."_

_"I'm not," he replied. I watched as he pushed off the wall and approached me. "I've been waiting for you."_

_"I thought we agreed no PDA's during school hours. I've got enough of a reputation as it is."_

_Logan's smirk turned into a leer. "Believe me. I know."_

_His words stung, but it was a familiar pain. I'd convinced myself at the start of this crazy relationship that Logan was just Logan. He had his good moments, his great moments…but with the good comes the bad. You can't change a man, right? Especially not a messed-up man._

_"Fine. Then I don't feel so bad about breaking the rules." I had to crane my neck to reach his lips, but I couldn't quite make contact. Frowning, I rose up onto my toes, attempting the kiss again. When he angled his chin up, a cold sense of dread spread out from the pit of my stomach. "Logan…what's wrong?"_

_He looked back down at, his eyes gleaming with something I hadn't seen there in a long time. Cruelty. "Do I look like a guy who shops at Goodwill?" He laughed. "So what makes you think I want anything used in my life?"_

_"Used?" I could barely wrap my mind around what he was saying. "You think…I'm used?"_

_"Well, Duncan's had a ride," Logan shrugged._

_I had to take a step back. "You…you said you understood about Duncan. You had a hand in that, remember?"_

_"I didn't march him into the bedroom and force him between your legs, Ronnie."_

_My fingers itched to slap him, but my heart hadn't quite caught up to the righteous fury. "How can you even…"_

_"And he's not the only one, right? What about Troy…Deputy Dewey." He counted each one off on his fingers. "Weevil…that kid you hang out with…anyone I'm forgetting?"_

_I wanted to scream at him about how he was the kettle calling me, the pot, black. If anyone deserved the whore crown, it was the guy who'd bagged half of the southern California coast. But I couldn't form the words. All I seemed able to do was…cry? No! I do not cry. I am Veronica Mars, and I do not cry!_

_But that didn't stop two tears from slipping down my cheeks. "Why are you doing this, Logan?" He said nothing, so I continued, "I thought you loved me."_

_"Come on." Logan cupped my chin; the contact was far from tender. "It's been fun, but what did you think? My heart grew three sizes? I turned a new leaf and found Jesus underneath it?" He laughed and each chuckle cut deeper into my Kevlar. "Does that sound like me? Be honest."_

_I closed my eyes, but was unable to block him out. "This has all been…a game?"_

_"A fun one," he agreed. "Easy, but fun. Kind of like playing Candyland past the age of five. You know you're going to win, but it's still a victory." Logan let his fingers trail down the length of my throat, and I hated…HATED…that he still had the power to arouse me. "You're an open book, Ronnie. A few tears over my dead mother and I'm 'vulnerable.' Come to your rescue once and you kiss me for my trouble. Then it's just a matter of waxing sentimental about Lilly and moving on, and BAM!" He slapped his hands together so loudly that I jumped. "I'm not the villain anymore. I'm the love interest."_

_I opened my eyes and looked at him through a watery haze. "Why do you hate me so much?"_

_"Because what else am I supposed to feel for you? Friendship? Admiration? Love?" He shook his head, his gaze hardening. "It should have been you, Veronica. Not Lilly. You. You dead. You lying in a pool of your own blood. You with your brains spilling out of your skull. You, Veronica."_

_I wouldn't listen to him. I couldn't. I put up my hands, shielding myself from him. "No…no…no…" I heard myself repeating._

_"Veronica…you, Veronica…Veronica_…RONNIE!"

She awoke with a jolt, still screaming "No!"

Logan's hands were on her face, running through her hair, seeking to calm her. "Ronnie…it's okay. I'm here…whatever it is, it's okay."

Struggling for breath, Veronica looked around. She was in bed…with him…and they were both naked. It was dark outside and the clock claimed it was well after midnight. She licked her dry lips. "What happened?"

"You must have been having one hell of a dream." He wrapped his arms around her bare shoulders and tried to pull her towards him, but she resisted. "Ronnie, I swear. You're okay. Trust me…whatever it was, it was just a dream."

Veronica still wasn't convinced. "We…" She indicated the bed and their state of undress. "Last night?"

"You don't remember?" He put a hand against his heart. "Ow. That was a direct hit to the old ego." Logan paused for a moment as if something really had hit him. "Wait…you did enjoy it, didn't you?" Veronica blinked. "Shit…Ronnie, I wanted you to enjoy it. I know it wasn't your first time, and god knows it wasn't mine, but it was our first time, you know, together. And I wanted it to be great. The first time we both should have had." He reached for her again. "Please, say something. Tell me I didn't mess up. That I didn't hurt you."

"You…" She fought with herself in the space of a few seconds, seeking to reconcile the Logan of her dreams with his cruel taunts and accusing eyes with the Logan sitting next to her, frantic with concern that he might not have pleased her.

Which Logan was real? The psychotic jackass he'd been for so many months? Or the diamond in the rough to whom she'd given her heart and now her body? Would she ever know for sure? And if she couldn't, was the dream just a product of her fears…or a frightening look into her future?

"You didn't mess up," she said, the words sticking in her throat. "It was…great."

He accepted this with a smile that seemed to promise more of the same. This time, when he tried to pull her into his arms, she let him. Logan fell back against the mess of pillows, cradling her. She felt his lips press a kiss into her hair. "I'm crazy about you, Ronnie," he whispered.

"I'm…" She hesitated. "…crazy, too."

She didn't sleep at all for the rest of the night. She just listened to his heart beating underneath her ear, timing his breaths as his chest rose and fell.

_Someone once said that we're never so vulnerable as when we trust someone. And now…I believe it._

* * *

Fin 


End file.
